Jerry Seinfeld

Best Quotes

• It's never too late to have a happy childhood.

• Now they show you how detergents take out bloodstains, a pretty violent image there. I think if you've got a T-shirt with a bloodstain all over it, maybe laundry isn't your biggest problem. Maybe you should get rid of the body before you do the wash.

• I was in the drug store the other day trying to get a cold medication... Not easy. There's an entire wall of products you need. You stand there going, Well, this one is quick acting but this is long lasting...Which is more important, the present or the future?

• Where lipstick is concerned, the important thing is not color, but to accept God's final word on where your lips end . . .

• Now they show you how detergents take out bloodstains, a pretty violent image there. I think if you've got a T-shirt with a bloodstain all over it, maybe laundry isn't your biggest problem. Maybe you should get rid of the body before you do the wash!

• There is no such thing as 'fun for the whole family.'

• There is no such thing as fun for the whole family.

• The whole object of comedy is to be yourself and the closer you get to that, the funnier you will be.

• That's the true spirit of Christmas; people being helped by people other than me.

• Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason.

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