Jon Stewart

Best Quotes

• When all else fails, make fun of Donny Osmond.

• You're dealing with a show where the lead character is making the irritating and uncomfortable choice,

• Why can't they have gay people in the army? Personally, I think they are just afraid of a thousand guys with M16s going, Who'd you call a faggot?

• Ultimately, people would respond a lot better to being treated like adults ... if politics wasn't treated like marketing,

• Thou shall not kill. Thou shall not commit adultery. Don't eat pork. I'm sorry, what was that last one? Don't eat pork? Is that the word of God, or is that pigs trying to outsmart everybody? by

• There is no such thing as an impartial jury because there are no impartial people. There are people that argue on the web for hours about who their favorite character on Friends is.

• The Supreme Court ruled that disabled golfer Casey Martin has a legal right to ride in a golf cart between shots at PGA Tour events. Man, the next thing you know, they're going to have some guy carry his clubs around for him.

• If the evens of September 11, 2001, have proven anything, it's that the terrorists can attack us, but they can't take away what makes us American - our freedom, our liberty, our civil rights. No, only Attorney General John Ashcroft can do that.

• I think of myself as a comedian who has the pleasure of writing jokes about things that I actually care about. And that's really it. You know, if I really wanted to enact social changeââ?¬Â¦ I have great respect for people who are in the front lines and the trenches of trying to enact social change. I am far lazier than that.

• I already miss him. At 42, you don't get the opportunity to be tickled a lot.

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